failure is temporary, giving up is permanent

i hit up church yesterday with my friend fay, who i've known since elementary school. for those of you that don't know, revolution church is held over at artesia high school, which just so happens to be my alma mater. so, it was nostalgic for me and fay to be there again. lol. felt like we were back in high school again! lol.

anyway, the message was titled "confessions of a pastor: i feel like a failure". i've been absolutely loving this series... bummed it's over already. anyway, i think this message was the one that hit me the hardest, out of the 4.

when my dad died almost 2 years ago, i promised him, on his death bed, that i would make him proud of me. ya see, growing up, i was the "screw up" of the family. you know the one, right? the one that always got in trouble, didn't care about other people, selfish, disrespectful, snuck out, got suspended, got expelled, and the list goes on... well yeah, that was me. so i promised him that i would make him proud and open up a martial arts studio... well, less than a year later, i did just that. i had a 5,000 square foot facility, wood floors, mirrors all over the joint, it was amazing! mr. westbrook, one of my students, even had his company make me this huge sign of our logo so we could put up on the wall. it was absolutely breathtaking.

well, we moved in may 1st and moved out august 31st. i got JUKED for all of the money that i put into it ($30K). totally got played. so now, i'm $30K in the red, no studio, and have to work 2 jobs to make ends BARELY meet. needless to say, i felt like i failed. failed even felt like an understatement to how i was feeling. i failed myself, i failed my students, i failed my family... and most importantly and most hurtful to me - i failed my dad. i was in the worst place in my life, but i couldn't show it because i still had my students to worry about. i kept on keepin' on - or tried to, at least.

long story short. after this experience, i was too scared to try again. try again at doing big things with my life. i felt like i wanted to stay in a safe place... i tell people all the time that i'd rather stay at the rec beause i have no bills, no overhead, etc... but... deep down - waaaay down there, i want my own studio. God nudged me lastnight and reminded me of how much i truly loved teaching. that $30K was an expensive lesson that i learned. now i'm ready to try again... this time, smarter, wiser, and more determined. keep me in prayer. imma need it.